nationals sux
seriously
i bowled like how shit
its not even funny
i dunno why
i think i'm very stupid
this happens every year
i get so sad n depressed after nationals every year
yet i still go back for more
every year the same thing happens
n yet everyyear i still dun learn
for the past dunno how many years tt happened
for the past dunno how many years i still go back
its like how stupid
maybe i had the stupid thought it wld change
since i'm older
since i'm in a new sch
since i'm in a new team
since i noe new ppl
maybe i hope i would
maybe i stupidly believed that it would change
that this year would be different
but its not
its not...
i should stop being so stupid
maybe i should give up...
i'm not giving up after 6games
i'm giving up after 6years of training
after so many competitions
competitions where i hope, where i believe that i would bowl well
that i would not screw up and bowl properly
but in the end i always screw up very badly
i always get my hopes crushed
i always get let down
i always end up so disappointed at myself
so disappointed
so sad
so depressed
it always happens
y dont i ever learn...
y m i so stupid
every year i try to change the results
change the outcome
change my attitude
change the way i bowl
every year i train harder n harder
every year i train until my wrist feels like its gonna drop off
every year i train until i cannot write properly without my wrist hurting
every year i train until my hands shake so much after training
every year i train at the expense of my studies
n yet wat good does it do
wats the point of it all
it all ends up the same
it all ends up no difference
none at all
no diff if i dun train at all
no diff
i should just not bowl
its like every year they put their expectations on me
then every year
i let them down
i let myself down
it always happens
i should just stop trying
i never meet their expectations
i never meet my expectations
i seriously wonder y i still try
i hate this
i hate feeling like this
i hate all this
i HATE it
i hate nationals
i hate bowling
i hate the way i bowl
i hate my scores
i hate myself
i hate everything
haiz
i...
i dunno wat to do
i really dont
all i wanna do is just sit down n cry
i feel like crying n crying n crying
haiz........
it all affects me more than i actually let it appear to
it affects me a lot
i try to move on all the time
but i just cant
its like
it always affect me though i noe it should not
i noe tt i should just move on
i should just let go
but its not tt easy
it no easy for me at all
haiz......